What colour am I Mama?

My four year old son has been asking this question a lot recently and I am unsure how to answer. That may sound silly but I fear I may end up confusing him with the literal answer but at the same time I feel it is important to answer this question whilst he has an interest or worse still before he gets his answer from someone else, whos opinion I am unable to influence.

I am mixed race, black and white and my partner is white, both of our little boys look white and I often get looks of confusion as people try to process our connection. If we are out as a family then it is quite obvious, but when we are not I often get asked 'how long I've looked after' these little boys. I feel quite sad about this sometimes, that not everyone sees a physical connection between me and the two most important people in my life. I also feel sad that people feel the need to comment, which I don't think they would if my sons and I had the same skin colour.

So, back to the point of what to say to my son. I have decided to tell him he has beautiful skin instead of trying to describe its colour. That we all have different shades of beautiful skin and this makes the world a more interesting place to live in. Someone's skin isn't important but who they are and how they treat you is. Mummy and Daddy are different shades but they love each other very much and they are very proud that they created two beautiful, intellegent and kind boys.

I want my boys to grow up and not judge people by the way they look but by who they are and how they behave. I think this is sometimes difficult in a society which is obsessed with placing labels on everything and everyone. Thinking that I can raise my boys to not be overly judgemental of others may sound like an idealistic dream but it is still my dream. All children should feel happy and comfortable in their skin, no matter what its colour.

I've gone Stateside!

I am really happy that I got to be a part of 'The Parent du Jour', a site that asks parents all around the world for their experiences of parenthood and how it has affected them.

Motherhood has completely changed me as a person, and sometimes I mourn the old me. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother and all, well most, of what it entails. Sometimes I miss the self confidence I feel was lost when I had my eldest child. Motherhood stripes you bear of everything you may previously have hidden behind, your job, your body and temporarily your social life. I was stuck with me twenty four seven, something that had never happened before. You are forced to examine who you really are in a way I don't think men ever do. Parts of me I liked and parts were slightly scary but I had no choice but to confront them. I learnt a lot about myself that I don't think I ever knew. I realised I didn't want the career I had, exercise is a must for me and I can't stay in my pyjamas past 9am or I start to feel a little crazy.

Although I don't think I suffered from depression I remember feeling lost and very emotionally exposed after the birth of my first child. Some people I had considered friends appeared in a new light as if motherhood was enabling me to see things with more clarity. The most important skill I have learnt is to live in the moment. It sounds so cliched but there are some things that you cannot control or change and that's fine. Babies and children should be enjoyed, so who cares about the kitchen floor being clean today, it doesn't matter. The second time around I've learnt to enjoy my baby more and not be so hard on myself, I'm lucky enough to be at home with him so I intend to enjoy it, because you don't get that time back and it goes so fast!

 The best advice I could ever give to a new/ish Mum is to read as many experiences of other mothers as you can. You are not alone and when it feels impossible and lonely, there is probably someone feeling exactly the same way as you did who can help contextualise how you are feeling. Better yet, you could start your own blog or if you don't want to share, a diary. Writing it all down is very therapeutic.

Thank you to 'The Parent du Jour' for making me realise that I'm not doing such a bad job after all!

Check out my contribution on 'The Parent du Jour' below
http://theparentdujour.com/2012/01/makawa-makanda-it-strengthens-you-if-you-let-it/

Cupcake Queen?

So my first attempt to create cupcake loveliness was all in all a good effort. I'm going to work on the cupcake base itself as it has been described as a bit 'dense' by tasters. I used The Hummingbird Bakery's cookbook so I will try another recipe next time. The icing of the cakes was much easier than I had previously experienced. Poli, my lovely teacher, tells me this is because I used a traditional piping bag this time. Last time I attempted to use a spray can icer (not the technical name), results were hideous!

So back to the lesson, once the piping bag was filled and nozzle fitted, a large nozzle is needed for cupcake swirliness. The next step is to start at outer edge of casing and circle around the outside. Each time you make the circle smaller and smaller until you end at the middle. The faster you go the tighter the swirl. For a 'high' cupcake you can keep building the icing up after cake is covered, just continue to go round and round.

Once the icing is done the fun comes. Choosing your decorations. Heart sprinkles, gold flecks, lustre spray, ball sprinkles and glitter. You really can let your imagination run wild. See the photos for some of my creations, although glitter doesn't photograph well, trust me it was on ALL of my cakes. I loved it!

My homework is to practice my swirls, I have the idea but my execution could be crisper. Also I'm planning on visiting Sugarshack in Kingsbury, the cake decorators Mecca. I am definitely writing a list, otherwise I could end up with the equivalent of a MAC counter in edible glitter.

WEDDING CAKE - NO PRESSURE

Today I have added a page which will hopefully chart my successful journey to baking and decorating my sister's wedding cake. I am slightly nervous about this task, but also very honoured that she has asked/allowed me to be responsible for what many see as a very important part of the day.

She has decided upon a cupcake tower with a large cake at the top, the idea being that she can freeze the top cake for their one year anniversary. Alternatively she wants mini 'wedding' cakes as an alternative to the cupcake. Either way I plan on sharing all of my attempts, hopefully triumphs and tips here.

Let the baking commence...

New Years Resolutions

So, it is that time of year when setting your resolutions has come around again. This year however, has been interesting for me because my partner and I have discussed the resolutions we should set as parents. This is where the argument/heated debate we've been having for the past few months reared its ugly head. Before I begin I wish to state that my hubby is a fantastic father who works extremly hard and who loves the bones of his kids but.....


I feel that my other half has a UFC style approach to teaching our eldest son how to 'defend' himself from other mixed martial arts competitors, I mean toddlers. I kid you not when I tell you that some of his words of wisdom include 'you do what you got to do son' teamed with 'hitting is wrong if you do it first, not if you're defending yourself'. When I tried to point out that our three year old may not be able to tell when he was using unnecessary force or when he should be defending himself, he replied that he doesn't want his son to be a 'victim' and it's important he learns to stick up for himself. I replied I didn't want our son to grow up not knowing right from wrong and feel that physical intimidation is an appropriate form of communication. I had visions of the future, handing my 16 year old son into the local police station after I'd recognised him looting a local footlocker on the 6 'o'clock news!


Now I may be being slightly melodramatic but it is very hard sometimes to balance the female and male views of parenting without one of you seriously bending your beliefs. Most of the male friends that I have consulted don't really see that encouraging him to stick up for himself is a problem. The ladies however, give sharp intakes of breath and scrunch up their faces as if confirming my son is on a downward spiral to immorality and wanton criminality.


I don't think that three year olds should be told that hitting is acceptable under any circumstances, my son has a very gentle nature but I have nonetheless caught him pinching one of his friends because he didn't like the way he had spoken to him. When asked why he had pinched his friend he replied 'He wasn't sharing and that's not nice.' This has happened on several occasions since his dad has had his 'talk' with him.


My conclusion is that we should encourage our son to communicate with his words, not his fists. I'm all for signing up to martial art classes when he's older, but because they encourage self control as well as self defence. However, my fundemental conclusion is that I am right and he is wrong!

Marbles, marbles everywhere and lots of hot chocolate to drink.

I am, it has to be said, feeling a little smug with myself. I have gone from evening bath time battles to bubbly bliss, from playdoh terrorism to supernannyesque creative play sessions. 'How?' I hear you ask. Marbles. No, it isn't a code word for something more sinister, I actually mean marbles. I have taken bribery and corruption to a new level, and boy is it working.

 

The marbles, or 'money' as babybear1 refers to them as, are paid out for good behaviour and carrying out day to day tasks such as 'getting ready to go' and 'washing yourself in the bath'. He can then spend the marbles on everyday treats such as watching half an hour of TV or having a lovely, hot chocolate or he can save them for a bigger treats such as a new book or toy (to the value of £5). So far its working really well and its been over 3 weeks. It also seems to be great lesson in budgeting, Tanya Byron would be pleased, as he has begun to understand what £5 will buy you in The Entertainer, so far a tub of dinosaurs and a tub of wild animals at £4 a pop.

 

Some people may think that a constant rewarding is instilling the wrong values and I would perhaps agree for an older child. However, 3 year olds are selfish creatures, I present that as a fact not an insult. They work best when rewarded for good behaviour. I have to say there is a selfish element to this system too as it means I am not at constant war with my toddler and that to me is worth all the marbles in the world!

 

Well done Mama!

Forgive me Gina Ford for I have sinned....

So I knew having children would affect the amount of sleep I have. I also assumed that after having had my second baby I would learn to survive on less sleep than I would have ever deemed possible post mummydom. However, this is ridiculous! I am rapidly turning into the sort of mother that Gina Ford would drop kick soon as look at. Dummy? In! Night feed? Still there (I know at 7months this equates to child abuse in Gina world). Then there was the night time routine, complete with organic lavender baby bath milk, which has rapidly flown out of the window, the routine not the bath milk.  Babybear2 is watching an unhealthy amount of The Style Network in the vain hope that I'll get a little rest and catch up on Big Rich Texas! But what struck me last night, as I watched the highly addictive reality show 'Tia and Tamera' (yes, of Sister Sister fame) whilst simultaneously bouncing the bouncer and telling myself that this could possibly constitute a bedtime routine, is that it doesn't really matter if I'm bending the rules a little.


The first time round you beat yourself about the little things. 'I let him fall asleep in my arms instead of the cot' or 'I gave him a sneaky bottle at night to make him fall asleep'. But the second time round you learn to give yourself a break. Yes, he should have a routine at night. But the road to self soothing is a bumpy, sleepless one and there are no guarantees he'll suddenly sleep through the night. Control crying works but I don't have the energy to partake yet. So as long as little man's first words aren't 'fashion police' or 'Jerseylicious' I'm not going to worry too much. Sorry Gina.